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2003-04-23 - 9:28 a.m.

Stupid men and the stupid way they make me feel. I write in here that I'm over someone and then something happens to make me realize that I'm lying to myself for whatever reason: to help myself get over it, to think that I'm not as much of a pathetic loser that I really am, chasing after some ridiculous romantic dream. Why do I force people inside of me when they have no intentions of staying there or didn't even want to be there in the first place. I should just stay inside and forbid myself to ever leave this apartment. I hate love. I'm torturing myself. If I stayed here I'd probably just stay on this computer all day hoping he'd write. Each email more casual than the last. He doesn't even sign w/love anymore. Why do I care so much?

I should have been a pair of ragged claws

Scuttling across the floors of silent seas.

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