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2003-07-14 - 12:41 p.m.

It wasn't long after I got back from Savannah that once again, the evil side of love showed itself.

Jake wants to get back together.

It upsets me that he would want this. I know you can't help the way you feel, but where was all this caring months ago? What makes him think that I would also want such a thing? He left me with nothing and less, and he thinks things will be good between us again. I told him he only remembers the good things and he's forgotten why we seperated in the first place. I told him he's just lonely and he doesn't have any other options in his life. I told him that he wants me to sit around in my apartment, doing nothing, and now that I'm going out and doing things with other people, he's trying to make it so that, once more, all I have is him. He tells me I'm wrong.

I can see that he's being sincere, and that he really misses me. Or at least thinks he does. I still care about him, and I would rather not see him hurt. If there was some way to get out of this situation without causing some sort of pain to him, I would do it. Well, that's not true. I could get back together with him, and he would be happy. But I will not do this thing. Eventually we'd go through the same crap we went through last year, and I never want to go throught that kind of thing again. I'm sick of hurting over this. I was finally moving on, and Jake sucks me back into it. It reminds me of that stupid song where that girl Jessie calls that dude just as he's taken her pictures off the wall. I have to say goodbye also, but it's tougher than I thought it would be. Just saying, I don't love you anymore. It's the truth. It's like a stab in my heart thinking about it.

The truth can suck my big fat cock but it's not going to change the nature of the whole situation. Lies are only a temporary solution anyway.

I think this coming break I'm going to buy myself a bottle of wine, make myself a nice meal, and eat, drink, and read my book all night long. There is no finer lover than good food, good drink, and great literature.

And THAT'S the fuckin truth. The hell with the rest of you.

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