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2003-12-03 - 5:37 p.m.

Little things, like not being able to find the trash bags, are the things that annoy me about living with someone else. Of all the things that could have come along with moving back in with my parents, not finding the trash bags is not that big a deal. But it's pretty God damn annoying.

I also found out that I don't get paid my final pay check until I mail in this piece of paper to finance. Dammit! My parents have to help me out with some of my final bills, which really bothers me. I don't like having to ask for money. But I look at it as them agreeing with me that it would make more sense to borrow money from them than to cash out some stocks. It's not like I don't HAVE the money... I just choose to borrow wisely. Yeah, that's it...

I realized today how bitchy yesterday's entry reads. Partly because another day removed makes me less angry, and partly because after yesterday's entry someone added me into their diaryland favorites who also lists their favorite music as Nsync and Backstreet Boys. Everyone has the right to listen to whatever music they want to, and I try not to make judgements on one's taste when it comes to things like music and art. But the Backstreet Boys, in my mind, kind of goes hand in hand with whiney younger girls who pine over boys. I won't apologize for feeling the way I do though, and what's a diary for if not to complain and be bitchy to? I write things for myself in here (unless I specifically say otherwise) and if you don't like it don't fuckin read it.

This whole thing with Jimmie kind of reminds me of something that happened with Cody early this year. Cody specifically told me that he wasn't interested in a long distance relationship, and honestly neither was I. That didn't prevent me from feeling hurt when he wrote something here on diaryland about flirting with some other girl in a bar and wanting to sleep with her.

It all comes down to my complex of wanting to be the most important person in everyone's life, and when something happens to prove to me otherwise, I'm shocked.

In another sense, feeling hurt or feeling anything at all is a good thing; it's a good indication of how much you care. If Cody reads this, he should have a big smile on his face for knowing how much he affected me. You hurt me by doing something as minor as flirt with someone else, a few months later! See how much I cared about you! If Jimmie read yesterday's entry, he should also have a big smile on his face. It mattered to me that you acted like you didn't care I was leaving! It mattered a LOT! See how much I cared! So much better to me than to just say oh well... fuck it. And move on immediately. I plan on feeling sad and missing Jimmie for at LEAST a month, and complaining to Josh about it all, and I'm going to have a good time doing it, too. Because that's what caring is! Complaining!

Today I wrote an essay or two. This is for college applications. I experimented with the "away" message feature for the first time today with AOL. I wasn't aware messages don't pop up at all when you have your away message up, they get stored in a secret file until you take off your away message. Of course, I've been online all day, but I wasn't popular until my away message was up. All these messages from people I would have liked to talk to! But at least I got an essay done.

I also received an email from my Batallion Commander, LTC Nakasone, who wrote a recommendation letter for me. And what a recommendation letter! He's a hell of a guy, and the epitomy of a great officer. Not just because he wrote that letter for me; for all the little things he does for his soldiers. He manages to walk that line between being nice and having to be a commander as well.

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