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2003-12-06 - 1:20 p.m.

I thought about writing here while taking a shower this morning. I was bursting with literary creativity.

I decided to clean my room instead.

Shortly after I moved out 5 years ago, my mom repainted my room, and moved a lot of stuff to the basement. So much has changed.

One thing she didn't touch was my desk, which I cleaned today. Lots of dust. I found the picture I drew of Kurt Cobain when he died. I found the little blue bag I used to carry around with me everywhere. I found the lock I had all the kisses from the tops of pop cans locked onto. I found a bell that said "A Happy Charm" on one side. (The other side said "Wisconsin" and had a cute picture on it. I threw it away. Fuck Wisconsin!)I found my high school graduation tassel. I found the certificate proclaiming me a member of the military intelligence corps. I found some old pictures and a candle Emily gave to me back in junior high.

I ended up throwing a lot of stuff away. Some old boxes and tins that I've never used, but kept around anyway. A goofy pez dispenser, which I once proclaimed as my prize possession. Some broken glass birds. A stupid ring holder, proclaiming itself as being "from Wisconsin." I'm not the pack rat I used to be.

My mom got a lot of Christmas shopping done. I got some ideas for presents for her, and also got my dad's Christmas gift. A lot of people don't like Christmas; they hate the stress and how everyone hates getting presents for people and what a pain in the ass it all is. I fucking love it. The santas in the malls, the Salvation Army bell ringers, checking people off your list. I love it! This is the first year I've only thought about other people and what I want to get them, and not what I want to receive. My parents keep asking what I want for my birthday and Christmas; I keep telling them, I don't need anything. And it's true! And it's beautiful.

It's my golden birthday this year. 24 years old! When my brother turned 4 it was his golden birthday. My parents bought him extra presents, and I was SO jealous. 24 seemed like such a long time to wait for MY golden birthday; I would be grown-up by then. Ha! What a joke. I still feel like a kid in a lot of ways. Thank God!

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