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2004-11-28 - 10:08 p.m.

Alright! My computer is finally hooked up again. I had to go out and buy another ethernet cable. So it's cost me an extra $60 to get this piece of shit hooked up. No wonder I stuck with dial up while I was in Georgia, although if I didn't have to hook my computer up to another computer 50 ft away to get internet access, it probably wouldn't have cost so much.

Having that dream about Gonzo the other night got me thinking about people, and I read Cody's diaryland for the first time in months. He made mention of someone coming out to visit him, and I realized it was Gunny K's (ex) wife; they must still be together! I had secretly hoped that Cody would be alone and miserable and regretted the way he treated me last February. In reality, he probably hasn't thought about me SINCE last February, and if he has, it's probably something along the lines of what a stupid bitch I was for who knows what reason. For some reason I am incapable of breaking up on a positive note.

And on that subject, Jon hasn't written me back. I saw him when I was down in Georgia earlier this month, and it was great seeing him again, but I did cement the fact we are not getting back together. So naturally I will probably never hear from him again. Why is it that when guys realize they'll never sleep with me again they find some excuse to stop talking to me altogether? Am I really that bad to be around?

Of course I know that's not true, but looking back and realizing how few people I still talk to that I once slept with hasn't done much for my self-esteem. I like to pretend that I'm so much fun to be around that people would do anything to spend time with me, so it's painful when it's obvious that's not the case. But a healthy dose of reality can't be bad for a person, and if I ever am in danger of getting a little too concieted about myself, I can just think back to all the people who've said "I want you out of my life" and I'll be back down on earth.

I was in Denver last weekend for the Thanksgiving holiday. I understand now why some people get stressed out about being around their families during the holidays. Jimmie's family was very nice to me, and I don't mean to take anything away from them, but I left Denver feeling exhausted. This after only 2 days! I think it was mostly the gigantic dog they have at his mom's house. What a monster in every sense of the word.

Jimmie took me to Mile High Comics and bought me a comic there, fufilling one of my life's goals. It always seemed like it would be the most amazing comic book store, and it was! It was everything I had thought it might be. It had EVERYTHING, even X-Men #1 on sale for something like $11,000. I wonder how much my own comic book collection is worth, although I'm also wondering where it went. My parents cleaned out my room after I left for basic training, and when I was home this last year I didn't see them anywhere. I'm kind of afraid to ask.

After having weird dreams about old lovers and reading about how little I've affected people's lives, I had a great dream about Jimmie the other night. GREAT. I was so happy and had all kinds of happy in love feelings, and I woke up feeling fantastic. One thing for sure is that if I hadn't endured past lovers like Gonzo and Cody, there's no way I could appreciate and love Jimmie as much as I do today.

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