2003-07-06 - 9:47 a.m.
It's never a pleasant experience to realize that you like someone a hell of a lot more than they like you. Especially when it comes to someone you'd like to be romantically involved with.
It happens all the time, to everyone. That doesn't make it suck any less when it happens to me, though. In fact, it seems pretty rare that I ever seem to match emotions with anyone. Either I'd love to be with someone and they're not interested, or they'd love to be with me and I'm not interested. God dammit! It sucks! And I realize that everyone is also like this in matching emotions with people and trying to find "the one for them." When did "the one" become "the one who likes me back" ?
I'm not going to get into any specifics due to the people who read my diary, so I'm going to complain vaguely.
I hate it when I realize I've been strung along, and I hate it even more when I realize that it's my fault and no one was doing any stringing except me. I hate wanting to be with someone SO MUCH and then realizing that they don't really give a shit. I hate it when I realize I'm doing that same thing to other people. I hate it when I realize I can't blame anyone for any of it. Because I'd really like a scapegoat to bitch out, or at least focus a little hatred on.
All men are bastards and right now I have a blanket feeling of contempt for every last one of them. This feeling will probably last all of 5 minutes, starting... NOW because dammit, I have to feel angry at someone for these injustices to humanity!