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2004-03-11 - 9:55 p.m.

Another day at work, another day of being given all the shit jobs that no one else wants to do. I don't mind so much except these boring jobs are starting to be SO boring that I can't see gaining anything more by doing it. Today I realized I was trying to achieve a zen state by pondering the rhythm of counting numbers of pages in envelopes and then counting the envelopes. Time to quit. Once this job ends in April, I'll choose not to stay on any longer and hope I'll be given something new through the temp agency soon.

I also wrote kind of a nasty email to Cody today. I don't mind that I had to hunt him down and make him spend some time with me when I was in Georgia, or that he wasn't particularly pleased with my company. Or at least I got over it quickly. But I got severly annoyed after a few emails saying it was good to see me again and hopefully we can continue to be good friends. I was caught between wanting to maintain some sort of friendship, or saying goodbye to something that was never there in the first place. I decided to go with the latter. Did I make the right choice? I don't know. I feel bad about the things I wrote to him, but I feel worse when I think about continuing to pretend that he cares. It was long past time for me to end the charade in any case. I used to check flights to Spain the beginning of every month, looking for cheap fares. It became a monthly sort of ritual, even after realizing that if I found some great tickets, there'd be no point in buying them anymore. I finally gave it up this month.

Do things happen for a reason? An endlessly debated question, and I have nothing original to offer, except for how the question reflects on my own life. I think about this when I feel bad about events. A better question might be: what have I learned from this? Or at least it's a more practical question. What have I learned from Cody? I can't say. But I do appreciate what I have now more than I probably would have otherwise.

And speaking of which, I wonder what the fares are to Georgia these days...

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