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2003-11-23 - 9:18 p.m.

I had plans originally to document all the things I've been doing these past few days instead of what I SHOULD have been doing, which is outprocessing. Instead I feel like bitching to someone I know won't take it personally: Diaryland.

Diaryland! Not Dairyland! I know I have a tendency to mumble, but Jesus Christ! Everytime I say the workd Diaryland people say back to me, Dairyland? Huh? I need to learn how to annunciate. And spell.

I'm freaking out about the SAT's tomorrow. Or freak out as much as I ever do, which is to say that I sit paralyzed and do something that has nothing to do with anything I should be taking care of, such as read Time magazine instead of cleaning this God damn apartment. Or spend quality time with my calculator. I took a practice test earlier today and got a shit load wrong, not because I didn't know how to do the math, but because I'm a fucking retard and do things like multiply instead of add, or forget that -3 is actually smaller than -2. Fuck!

I found some Very Important Papers today; my graduation from Goodfellow Air Force Base diploma, and my diploma from PLDC (primary leadership development course), the only good result of which was that I met Jon. No leadership development took place at that course. In any event, it's something more to add to this important file that I've never heard of before but apparently was my responsibility to take care of all along. Finding these papers made me feel much better, as though maybe I'm not losing my grip on life after all. Maybe I am organized and rational!

And what did I almost immediately do with these papers?


I didn't mean to. I wanted to light some incense to make myself calm down after such a trying afternoon. I recently lost one of my lighters, and the other one is out of lighter fluid. So these days, I put the stick of incense on the stove burner and turn the burner up to high. Which is what I did today. Shortly thereafter, I start to smell something burning. I thought, hey the incense is working. Strange that it doesn't look like it's catching. Then I hear the pop that comes with a sudden burst of flame. I HAD TURNED ON THE WRONG BURNER. This wouldn't be a big deal, except that I put the Very Important Stack of Papers, to include my temporary military ID (which is a piece of paper) and my orders to get out of the military RIGHT ON TOP OF A BURNER. And then promptly turned THAT BURNER on.

Maybe I'll laugh about this some day. Right now, after doing poorly on a mock SAT and realizing I don't have enough money to pay bills this month due to emergency car repairs, on top of not being sure when or where my next paycheck is coming, being a dumbass and accidentally lighting important papers on fire is not amusing.


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